If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize