Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
