Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
