Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
