Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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