another moral hangover. fuck.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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