I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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