I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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