I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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