Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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