it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
