Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
