so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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