my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
