some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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