It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I think people are normalizing furries
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
