my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
