I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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