My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Randomize
