quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
ugly people sure do ruin things
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
