Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
