When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
