Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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