South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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