After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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