I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
