There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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