WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
