Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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