Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Don't EVER smell your tampon
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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