One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
