what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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