I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
