just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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