his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
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