I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
