I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
