how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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