i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I think my moral compass just broke
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