He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
