man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
