I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
