normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
