took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
