too bad you live with your parents still
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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