take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
