covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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