I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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