Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
