Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I could fuck to npr.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
