I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
