I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
