I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
