just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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