Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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