YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
